the assassination of franz ferdinand was actually the most hilariously botched assassination attempt of all time though like i can’t even explain to you how badly it went i mean there were six guys and the first one chickened out and the second one forgot to factor in the delay on a hand grenade so it exploded like three cars past the archduke’s so the guy took a cyanide pill and threw himself into a river, but the cyanide was expired and the river was six inches deep so the police just pulled him out and took him off to jail and then everyone else basically gave up and headed home, and then the driver of the archduke took a wrong turn and the car stalled next to the last of the six guys, and he was just like “what a crazy random happenstance” and started world war one
FIVE SALEM WITCHES’ INSTITUTE HEAD CANONS
1. The Salem Witches’ Institute is actually located in Oregon, not Massachusetts. The school was founded in 1742 and named after the Salem Witch Trials, which had ended fifty years previously. The location was chosen in part due to its remoteness from muggle culture, but in 1842 the town of Salem, Oregon was founded – named after the Institute, because at the time the population of the town was actually largely magical. The Institute is located about an hour’s broom flight away from Salem, on a magically shrouded bit of coastline.
2. It is not a girls’ school and never was. Even though it was named after the Salem Witches, the school has always been open to both witches and wizards. Even though this had been the standard in European wizarding communities for some time, it was practically unheard of in North America at the time, where there were already two major magic academies in place; one for men and one for women. The Salem Witches’ Institute was founded by a family of four professors of magic – mother, father, brother and sister – who were tired of having to split up yearly to teach at the segregated academies. Recently, the Salem Witches’ Institute has been come to be known by an alternate, gender-neutral name: The Salem Institute of Magic.
3. It is attended by students ages seventeen to twenty two. Most magical youth in the United States and Canada attend muggle schools and then apply to magical institutes in lieu of muggle colleges and universities. This practice is seen as frivolous and unnecessary by many European wizards, but because the wizarding communities in North America are so spread out over the continent, it is important for American wizards to be well-versed in muggle culture.
4. Its students are divided into houses, but they work differently than the Hogwarts houses. Student housing works on a fraternity/sorority system. Upon arrival, all students are placed in freshman dorms, where they live for their first year at the school. They are required to pledge to one of the houses by the end of the year. Some houses are more exclusive than others; some are all-girls or all-boys, one is for those specifically interested in becoming professional Quidditch players, etc. It is truly a rare thing for any student to not find a house they feel they were meant to belong to. There forty-seven established houses at the institute with an average of fifty students in each of them.
5. It is the most prestigious wizarding school in North America, but it’s not the only one. Both of the gender-specific schools still exist, although they are now both co-ed, and there are several other academies for magic scattered about the continent, as far south as the Yucatan Peninsula and as far north as Alaska. The Salem Witches’ institute receives as many as 2000 applications a year and accepts only 500 students to each graduating class.
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